April 27, 2005

Classical Music Meme

This is very good. Lynn S. picked up on that same Mozart Effect-bashing article I noted yesterday when I was not trolling for attention from Terry Teachout and a game that Greg Hlatky has made out of it. He reasons that if there is a "Mozart Effect", there must also be "effects" specific to other composers and gives some fine examples:

Liszt effect: Child speaks rapidly and extravagantly, but never really says anything important.

Raff effect: Child becomes a bore.

Bruckner effect: Child speaks very slowly and repeats himself frequently. Gains reputation for profundity.

Wagner effect: Child becomes a megalomaniac. May eventually marry his sister.

Mahler effect: Child continually screams - at great length and volume - that hes dying.

Schoenberg effect: Child never repeats a word until hes used all the other words in his vocabulary. Sometimes talks backwards. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child blames them for their inability to understand him.

Babbitt effect: Child gibbers nonsense all the time. Eventually, people stop listening to him. Child doesnt care because all his playmates think hes cool.

She then adds some of her own:

Glass Effect: Child repeats himself incessantly.

Cage Effect: Child will be completely silent for four and half minutes and then insist that he has just said something highly important.

Hovhaness Effect: Child grows to be very spiritual, attracted to Eastern religions. Also has pyromaniac tendencies.

Allow me to get in on this game as well (in a very humble capacity):

Gluck Effect: Child will be brilliant but inconsistent. Probably will be a fortune-hunting party reptile.

Rossini Effect: Child will be lazy as hell but a lot of fun.

Bach Effect: Child will overawe you with the the depth of his self-expression and do a bang-up job balancing your checkbook. Stand by for a lot of grandchildren.

Lully Effect: Please keep child away from sharp objects.

Posted by Robert at April 27, 2005 05:11 PM

Shostakovich effect - Child will develop depressions because a moustachioed (authority figure) teacher will give him bad marks.

Posted by: Lemuel Kolkava at April 27, 2005 05:27 PM

Glenn Gould effect: Though admired, child often hums too much and deserves a spanking.

Tchaikovsky effect: Child becomes a 19th century Elton John.

Penderecki effect: Child is universally unpopular. Bastard.

Ligeti effect: Child will get most of his royalties from Kubrick movies.

This is fun!

Posted by: Lemuel Kolkava at April 27, 2005 05:48 PM

If classical music affects children in some way, then surely other forms do, too.

Posted by: TheRoyalFamily at April 27, 2005 07:40 PM

Those are great! Thanks.

Posted by: Lynn S at April 28, 2005 07:49 PM

Verdi effect: Don't hire this child to babysit, especially if you have a fireplace. (oops!)

Posted by: Anonymous at May 2, 2005 02:43 PM
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