August 31, 2004

What is it about lunatics named "Al"?

And here I thought "Bum Fights" were just an urban legend...

hacks.jpg

Obviously, someone needs to tell the Als that the first rule of FightClub is don't talk about fight club!

UPDATE: Michele has the latest on the protests.

Posted by Steve at 11:23 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Terms of Surrender

Inspired by the nuanced grovelling Chirac and Co. are doing, the SwiftVets have offered to stop the ads, on Kerry meeting a few, er conditions....

Here's the text:

1. Apologize for your conduct once you returned from Vietnam. Your exaggerated testimony before the US Senate; the blanket indictment of your fellow veterans; throwing away medals and ribbons; all of these actions dishonored America and the armed forces. Your rhetoric and actions were not only wrong, they aided the enemy and brought great pain to POW's, veterans and their families.

2. Clarify the conflicting accounts involving the Bay Hap River incident of March 13, 1969 (Bronze Star and 3rd Purple Heart). You have now described three different versions of this incident. In the first version of this incident presented during the Democrat National Convention, you stated: "No man left behind," suggesting to the American people that you alone stayed on the river to rescue Mr. Rassmann. Later, when forced to acknowledge conflicting eyewitness testimony from fellow swift boat veterans, you said that your boat left the scene to return moments later to retrieve Jim Rassmann from the water. Yet, in another version of the same incident discovered in the Congressional Record, you reported that your boat struck a mine and Rassmann fell off the boat. Mr. Kerry, please explain to your fellow veterans and the American people which version is the truth.

3. Affirm that the injuries for which you received your purple hearts never required any medical treatment beyond perhaps a bandage and that, in all instances, these injuries were self-inflicted and came from your own weapon. Further, that if any of these purple hearts were falsely awarded, that you would not have been eligible to leave Vietnam after serving only four months.

4. Acknowledge what your own biographer is now saying, that the Christmas in Cambodia claim is "obviously wrong,” that you were never in Cambodia over Christmas or any other time during your brief, four-month tour in Vietnam and that your statements before the United States Senate in 1986 were false.

If you undertake these steps we will be satisfied that the American public has been sufficiently apprised as to these aspects of your career, and we will discontinue the media advertisements you have sought so fervently to silence.

Please know that Swift Boat Veterans for Truth are eager to close our own personal chapters on Vietnam and instead focus on the war we're currently fighting—the ongoing war on terrorism. In the absence of full public disclosure and a public apology, we will continue efforts to carry our message to an ever-expanding base of grassroots supporters.

In a related story, speaking of surrender...

Posted by Steve at 11:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Let's Play Hardball!

These definitely goes in the "What the......?" file:

1. Wizbang is reporting that pacifist peace lovers dressed in black and hoods tried to attack Chris Matthews live on the air....

I mean, dude, this is dumb: the press is on your side! Don't piss them off by messing with their Hair. This is as stupid as terrorists killing French reporters: they're working for you, dumbass!

2. Al Franken loses it, does his best Captain Queeg impersonation...(you know, it was that rat bastard George Bush who stole the key to the icebox and ate all the strawberries!)

3. Tommy Franks blogging?

Posted by Steve at 11:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Another Hit Below The Water Line

Go here and check out the Swifties' latest ad "Sellout".

For my money, this is far more important than any accusations about John-John gaming the system to pump up his own resume. It shows clear, consisely and in his very own words Kerry's appalling attitude and behavior after he got back to the States and, what is particularly damning, the direct impact that behavior had on men confined to North Vietnamese prison camps.

Ouch.

Posted by Robert at 05:57 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

The new fuzzy, fluffy John Kerry

The Party Line is Changing:

jazz hands.jpg

Secret mission to Cambodia? Heck no! Christmas, 1968, is seared--SEARED--in John Kerry's memory: why that's the year he got his Red Ryder BB Gun, the one with the compass in the stock!

Posted by Steve at 04:46 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Changes on the way for the French Government

We linked to the story below about how the French government says they will do ANYTHING to get their two journalist hostages released in Iraq.

Money? Nuclear secrets? French diplomatic passports for terrorists? Michael Moore's autograph?

The possibilities are endless.

I've got a feeling it's going to look something like this:

jihad jane.jpg

Here's a contest: what would YOU demand of the French Government in a situation like this?

I'd start with getting them to admit that Jerry Lewis, and Woody Allen aren't funny, and that Mickey Rourke sucks.

Posted by Steve at 04:13 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Oh, Great

Well that's gone and torn it! Steve has riled up our friend Lynn to the point where she is now kicking over the emoticon anthill.

Hope you've got plenty of Raid! (R) on hand, Steve-O. We're gonna need it.

YIPS from Steve: I've only got two words for her: BRING. IT. ON. Well, that's three, but you get my drift. The fearsome LEAGUE AGAINST MALEVOLENT EMOTICONS will not be intimidated!

We are L.A.M.E.---hear us roar!

Posted by Robert at 04:11 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Now Go Away Or We Shall Taunt You A Second Time-ah.

Michael bin-Moore has decided to stay out of Madison Square Garden for the remainder of the Convention. Apparently, USA Today had thought that he wouldn't be noticed amongst all the other elephants:

"We had hoped we would be able to put Moore in place where he could actually listen to speeches and not disrupt anything," Ken Paulson, USA Today editor, told E&P today. "The idea was not to put him in the line of sight while giving him the opportunity to observe. Now Moore doesn't plan to return to the convention. I think he saw the down side of his attending. We will have the four days of his column and I hope people will take time to read what he wrote.

Fat chance.

Posted by Robert at 02:24 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Sigh......

Roger Kimball has a post up over at Armavirumque about the apparently near-fatal nervous breakdown of Britain's Tory Party.

Double sigh.

Posted by Robert at 01:33 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Handy Insults for Patriotic Amerikans

From The Commissar, of course!

Posted by Steve at 01:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Dissent is Patriotic

Classy.

Posted by Steve at 01:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Bonfire of the Vanities

This week it's being hosted by Dr. Rusty at My Pet Jawa. And it's an all-1987 retrospective! (As it happens, that was the year I graduated from college. Damme if I can remember very much about it, tho.) Be sure to go check it out.

Posted by Robert at 01:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

News Flash: Kerry Served In Vietnam. Doesn't Want To Talk About It.

Hugh has a link to a recent GQ interview with the haughty, French-looking Massachusetts liberal. He's pretty skeptical about some of Kerry's remarks, including his choice of Dylan favorites. (Full disclosure: I wouldn't know a Dylan song if it bit me on the nose. But I don't pretend otherwise.) And Hugh properly skewers Kerry over his claim that the Republican attack on Max Cleland help spur him to decide to run for Prez. Right, John.

But perhaps the most bizarre comment to eminate from Lurch in the interview is this one:

To me Vietnam is an old place, an old memory. It is old history, it's gone, it's past. The less I have to talk about it, frankly, the happier I am.

Man. He must be one unhappy bastard these days.

UPDATE: Would you like a cigarette with your execution, Comrade? The Commissar has, um, "invited" me to, um, "participate" in a People's Show Trial for putting words in Kerry's mouth. Careful - I'm a bleeder.

Posted by Robert at 01:09 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Yeeouch...

Tim Perry has a copy of a flyer distributed by John Kerry's Vietnam Vets Against the War.

No doubt the message is more nuanced than my poor brain can comprehend. Also, I'm sure that when Kerry goes to speak with Vets (including this week, I believe) he will assure them that he was talking about "a bunch of other guys" back then.

Yips! to Jonah.

Posted by Robert at 11:43 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A new low for France

And that says a lot.

Prepare to be disgusted.

I have to wonder what "anything" includes.....and I'd hate to see what's coming to America via the French Diplomatic pouch. Force de frappe, anyone?

UPDATE: The Commissar weighs in, asking why Chirac hasn't blamed the kidnapping on McSmirkychimperor? (Heck, the MLA zombies from the English Department were muttering about that yesterday in the copier room)

Posted by Steve at 11:36 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Heh.

Carville and Greenberg are starting to panic.

So is the Politburo. (My personal advice to Novak? Avoid short fat eastern European women carrying an umbrella....you know what happens when you cross the Politburo....)

So is Richard Cohen:

Now a second front has been opened. New ads attack Kerry for what he said after returning from Vietnam and becoming a leader of the antiwar movement.

This is a moment for Kerry to speak plainly, to embrace all Vietnam veterans and say that any suggestion that they were war criminals does not represent how he feels now and how he felt then -- and if he gave the opposite impression, he's sorry. If it takes an apology -- if it takes saying he was once an angry young man who saw blood spilled in a dubious cause -- then that's what he should say. Otherwise Vietnam and its immediate aftermath will stick to him as has his complicated and too-nuanced position on the Iraq war.

Kerry's inability or refusal to walk his cats back to the origin of his problems -- a wrong vote on Iraq and some incautious words on Vietnam -- has trapped him in a kind of rhetorical molasses. He's always trimming weeds that need to be yanked out by the roots.

Anyone see that happen anytime soon? Bueller?

I didn't think so.

Yips! from Robbo. And as an aside, Richard Cohen needs to be penalized twenty five yards for flagrant metaphor mixing.

Yips from Steve: Of course, following Cohen's advice would require that he admit he lied under oath to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee in April 1971, which last time I checked was perjury....

Posted by Steve at 11:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The SwiftVets strike again

Admiral Zumwalt developed the doctrine of using the Swift Boats as a means to wreak sudden and precise havoc to disrupt the supply and maneuvering of the enemy.

Boy, he had no idea.....

Ad three (I think the Post has it wrong: there was the original ad, the one with the POWS that used Kerry's 1971 Jen-jis Kaaaahn testimony, and the one about Kerry lying about being in Cambodia for Christmas 1968) is about to debut, focusing on Kerry throwing away (or maybe not?) his ribbons/medals. It's timed for Kerry appearing at the convention of the American Legion.

I think this tactic is much better than the whole "did Kerry fudge or puff up his record to get undeserved medals" (although I have to admit that story is getting more bizarre and interesting, what with whole John Lehman angle) and instead focus in on John Kerry throwing his medals away. I think the next angle for them to pursue was not only was he throwing away his medals (although he wasn't, it was just the ribbons, and they were somebody elses.....?) but then seeking not one but two additional versions of the Silver Star citation that drained the nastier parts of the action out and that were more glowing and adjective-laden than the orginal? (These are the two that are on his website.) It just doesn't make sense.

Anyhoo, Kerry chose at this convention to make this race about the past: he chose the ground, now he can't complain that that's where the Republicans are taking the fight.

Yips! from Robbo. Alas, I looked into the trap, Ray. Andrew Sullivan apparently is dismissing the entire Swift Boat Vet campaign as a mere "smear". How silly of us not to have realized that the vets are nothing more than a gang of bloviating crackpots, probably on Karl Rove's payroll.

Posted by Steve at 11:13 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Pacifist Protesters for Peace, Justice and Non-violence Beat the Crap out of NYPD Officer

This is going to get ugly.

Dick Morris opines:

It is hard to determine which the Democrats have to fear more, the proceedings in the hall or those outside on the street. The contrast between the patriotism, inclusiveness and sincerity of speakers such as Arnold Schwarzenegger, John McCain, Giuliani and Zell Miller and the hubbub outside the Garden will be vivid for the viewer at home. Nobody looks their best when they are demonstrating in 85 degree heat. While the temperature has not risen to “Fahrenheit 9/11,” it certainly is hot enough to fray tempers and present a spectacle to America that the Republicans would have gladly paid for.

Giving Michael Moore press credentials was brilliant. He's too stupid and arrogant to realize that the Party is pinning a giant "WHACK ME" sign on him and turning him into a hate-filled pinata. Great for his personal vanity, but absolutely destructive to the Party he allegedly supports.

If the Republicans can make the face of the Democratic Party be scowling and surly John Kerry, circa 1971, and his running mate merry Amerika-hater Moore, then they are going to win.

Big time.

Posted by Steve at 11:02 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Democracy comes to the Middle East

It may not be what de Tocqueville or Lord Bryce had in mind, but it looks like those evil neo-Khans at Halliburton have figured out a way to introduce the concept of democracy in the Middle East. Defanged dictator Mummar Qaddafi, believe it or not, is doing his best to act like a Cook County Democratic Party block captain.

Jeff at Beautifull Atrocities has all the usual pithy commentary.

Posted by Steve at 10:55 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

A mystery solved

The Creator of Worlds posted this picture of Michael "Fat Bastard" Moore last night from the Republican Convention:

mike moore.jpeg

And asks:

Anyone want to take a crack at interpreting this gesture?

Presumably it's some variation of "L for Loser," but that's usually done with the hand pressed to the forehead. L for liberal, maybe? Liar? Lard?

Well, it's very clearly Jabba's answer to the age old question

one donut truck
one donut truck.jpg

or two?

two donut trucks.jpg


Speaking of which, I think this might all add up for an intriguing case for Law & Order....

Posted by Steve at 10:39 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

Damn It!

Everything was fine this morning in re access to the shop. But now I'm getting weird "host not found" messages again. Grrrrrr.......

Posted by Robert at 10:31 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Things that sound naughty but aren't

One thing I hate about living the ruburban life (the rural suburbs that is) is that, well, you get neighbors, and, well, they think it's somehow okay to invite you over to their house for a "party" where they are trying to sell some useless crap, whether it be "I can't figure out how to use the microwave" [aka Pampered Chef] or "My soul is so devoid of meaning that I smoke glue sticks for release" [aka Creative Memories] or "I want to look like Satan's minions" [aka "New Skin"]. I mean, at some points I've been truly tempted to put little flyers in the mailboxes of the neighbors advertising "INCREDIBLE INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITY TO FILL YOUR BANK ACCOUNT AND HELP YOU FIND JESUS! It's the Lagos Jerusalem DaVinci Code Secret Pyramid of Power and Love---and it's Atkins Friendly!" Usually, my wife intercepts me on the way to Kinkos and, lovingly, lowers my sugar and caffene intake and everythings hunky dory again in a day or two.

Well now.

So this just popped into my mail box and it might just be too priceless an opportunity to pass up:

Dear Sir Are you interested in being an exclusive distributor for HYS shuttlecock in your country? If you are, please reply, and also log on to www.hys-shuttlecock.com for product information. Regards John Doe Manager, Sales and Marketing

BTW, the John Doe part is priceless.

Posted by Steve at 10:19 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Fresh from the Tasty Bits (TM) Mail Sack

There's been a fair amount of reader mail complaining about my post on emoticons.

This one from our old friend Lynn is representative:

b-b-b-b-b but I looooooove emoticons... Cute, adorable little smilies... How could anyone not love them. You evil person you!

Lynn, dearest, of course I am evil! I mean, here I am, mercilessly and cruelly carving up fuzzy lovable mountain camels of the Andes to provide all the bloggy goodness that's become a necessary part of your daily diet.

But emoticons, that's a whole level of evil onto itself.

So right here, right now, I'm standing ontop of my soapbox and declaring "DEUS VOLT! THE EMOTICONS MUST BE DESTROYED! EMOTICON DELENDA EST!"

That's right, it's the First Holy Crusade Against the Emoticons!

Right here, right now, I'm founding the LEAGUE AGAINST MALEVOLENT EMOTICONS.

Oppose us only if you dare!

UPDATE More proof of the perfidy that are emoticons!

Fuzzy warm little loveable creatures on your email, eh? THINK AGAIN!

Just try doing THIS emoticon:

shift-alt-weaselopportunist

and you get

kerry emoticon.jpg

Posted by Steve at 10:02 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Drop cloth and sawdust

We've been suffering from a template problem apparently called "bottom bar" which was causing the right hand column to drop down to the bottom--making it so you can't easily see all the TastyBits (TM) over on the right hand side.

I've done a series of code changes to attempt to fix this---let me know via email or in the comments section below if it's still a problem (if it is, let me know what type of browser you are using at what resolution, approximatley). This wasn't a problem for everybody, and it's been tricky trying to figure this out.

If it still doesn't work, what I'll have to do is jettison this template and start over, which will be a pain but so be it. There are many features of MT that I really like, but this CSS code has been a bit of a pain in the Chirac, if you get my drift.

Posted by Steve at 09:38 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

The American Tourists Return to Paris

When I was in Paris back in May, one of the waiters joked [in very good english] that "The only thing worse than Paris filled with Americans is Paris with no Americans at all." He said it with a smile and a wink, and I left a nice tip (or at least, I think I did. Maybe I stiffed him by accident, and did my part to destroy international cooperation.)

There were plenty of Americans, though: most of them were working hard to pretend they were Canadian. (Bastards.)

Anyhoo, I've long thought it hilarious that the central premise of so many of our alleged intelligentsia in this country is that 1.) you can be an American who prides yourself on using the word"intelligentsia" to describe oneself yet can't understand whypeople laugh at you for it, and most importantly 2.) that the goal of American foreign policy should be to insure that the locals are happy to see you when you take your well earned sabbatical in Provence.

Well, it looks like the American tourists are beginning to return to Paris, although the reason is not amusing locals. (Hint: its not to go and do pennance by laying the severed head of Paul Wolfowitz at the feet of the Charles de Gaulle statue...)

Posted by Steve at 09:27 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

What the.....?

Sorry to let Rob down, but I didn't watch last night---I was too durn tired, so I taped it to watch later today.

But I did turn on the tee-vee for a minute right around eight, and caught the beginning of MNF.......

and for the love of the lawd gahd there, in the opening sequence, was HOWARD DEAN, standing on a stage in front of a crowd, looking like he was going to blow a blood vessel in his neck, sleeves rolled out, ranting into the mic

"WE'RE GOING TO GO TO MIAMI...."

and I'm thinking to myself, something's not right here

"...WE'RE GOING TO GREEN BAY..."

wtf? Am I hallucinating? Did someone slip an acid mickey into my wife's enchilada casserole?

"....WE'RE GOING TO BOSTON, AND TO THE BAY AREA TOO!"

and then I realized I WASN'T hallucinating, that Howard Dean was actually in the commercial thing-ee, and that he's gone from denying that the "YAARGH!" speech took place, to mocking it on Monday Night Football.

That's America for you: First Act, Stern Pomposity on the Road to the White House; Second Act, Bloated Self-Parody on the road to being a night-shift "celebrity" greeter working the front door at some off-the-strip Vegas casino.

I wonder how long it will take him to get his own drive-thru wedding chapel?

Posted by Steve at 08:55 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Semper Fi

Check out this awesome pic from our Boys in Iraq, courtesy of Dr. Rusty.

Posted by Robert at 08:41 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Obligatory Convention Blogging

I won't bore you with too much arm-chair analysis of McCain and Giuliani's speeches last night. After all, not only are there a zillion other pundits out there, but we've got a gen-u-ine ringer here in the form of Steve-O. You don't keep a dog and bark yourself.

But I will just say this. I thought McCain gave a very solid, principled speech, laying out all of the reasons for going to Iraq. (Yes, nobody in the White House ever thought it was all just about WMD. That point needs to be made again and again.) I was delighted to see him get in a dig at Michael "Fat Bastard" Moore - and indeed, say the line twice. When the crowd erupted after that one, some of them were chanting "Four More Years!", but I would swear that another group was looking at Moore and chanting, "Bullsh*t! Bullsh*t!" The ravings of the F9/11 crowd aside, I think McCain's prominance is devastating to Kerry. After all, here's a guy whose Vietnam creds run circles around Mr. Reporting For Duty. McCain doesn't even really have to say anything - his mere presence takes the wind out of whatever War Hero sails Kerry had been counting on to bolster his image.

The other thing I'd note is that I can't remember the last time I saw someone having as much fun with a speech as Rudy did last night. He was the Hulk to McCain's Bruce Banner.

I gather that the Dems have been hoping to neutralize 9/11 and our achievements in Iraq and Afghanistan as campaign issues, harping on the negatives so much that the Republicans would become gun-shy about even mentioning these issues and, if they are brought up, being reflexively embarrased and defensive about them. From what I saw last night, ain't. gonna. happen.

Posted by Robert at 08:07 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
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